CHRIS FARLEY SWAG: if you can’t do it right, do it loud.
me: I also had to ask yesterday what would happen to my pension if the company became insolvent
steve: good q
reporter’s instincts
me: following it with, ‘y’know, 25 years is a long time - for print media’
steve: for american workers’ prosperity, too
in 25 years, a common american job will be “rooting “clean coal” out of the ground with bare hands for twelve cents an hour
me: fuck that - I’m going to run a successful nanobot swarm
while I read twittercasts from the head of wolf blitzer on my kindle 8.0
steve: wolf blitzjar
me: ha!
congratulations, you just made it onto the blog
steve: ?
me: chattin with alan
you know that bullshit no one reads
ryan: dude
i just had an epiphany
when i was in highschool
i got guitar lessons from this guy
NO JOKE
http://www.facebook.com/people/Farrell-R-Clancy/720365717#!/profile.php?id=100000208026395
me: LOL
did he LOOK like that?
ryan: sans the mustache
me: did he have that HAT
ryan: im not sure
me: was he in tattooed love dog
s
ryan: but what he did have…
A PUBLIC ACCESS SHOW
me: ….
SHOW ME
ryan: i was hoping he had uploaded it to youtubes
alas
nothing
but
me: let’s call the station
ryan: he does have a youtube channel
http://www.youtube.com/GTARCZAR
its like hes stuck in mid nineties time warp
oh man
are you watching this?
me: YES
um
sup deezy
lol
HE JUST STARTED SINGING
ryan: WAY BETTER THAN DEEZY
me: haha
PUT IT ON THE TUMBLR
ryan: this guy at least understands an arpeggio
going on th tumblr
me: lets make him an internet sensation
ryan: ill post it
i kinda feel bad for him
though
me: his name is J CLANCY FERRIL
ryan: OKAY YER RIGHT
me: also sorry, this conversation is going on the blog
because it’s lulz.
ryan: haha
me: this guy touches it to Rush
EVERY NIGHT
but he can shred a little.
2049er’ is a gem
ryan: is he in sweats?>
Steve: wait, Brit. V.I. Business Cazh?
me: yes.
I like how banks used one of those keyboards from the dollar store
bangs sorry
ryan: rosen you kinda laready dress like IYAZ.
me: yes!
that’s what makes it an easy transition
ryan: yeah it wouldnt be difficult.
Steve: it’s just dialing it in
ryan: exactly.
Steve: adding to the wardrobe so I have more than one version of it
me: yo boy bangs … my life-a so harrrrr
ryan: WHEN PURCHASING CLOTHES: one must ask himself WWID?
me: A: buy that cardigan
ryan: B: buy those AVIATORS
Steve: those are some shiny black jeans
also, those glasses
me: they appear to be flip ups
Steve: I do have some aviators, but they are not so tight as those.
me: so when you peep a finnnnne shawty in the club you can do the ‘daaaaayyyyym’ motion while lifting them
Steve: I am trying out this look right now
ryan: D: ask if that top comes in material akin to a dinner table cloth.
me: yeah you can put that shirt on any flat surface and it becomes a texas bbq
ryan: haha
me: bangs has many more hilarious songs
but I still thing objectively speak is funnier
think.
ryan: i miss the old video with the SHAWTY bouncing around on the beach.
that girl got THICKNESS on lock down!
got that shit in an ARM BAR.
speak is the bette shitty rapper.
he wins if only for the chorus.
Steve: wait, is this one of those looks that’s only good on a black guy
ryan: NOOOOOOOOO
me: no.
it’s an appropriated white guy style
you just might not look like you are from the VI
you might look like you work in a library
Steve: hmmm
ryan: you will however have to shave your head and cut a straight line across your forhead with your hairline.
me: also speak has the disclaimer on the video ‘it’s not meant to be a joke!!!!’
ryan: sorry. :(
me: what?
ryan: when black dudes get they fade on they always get rid of the hairline and opt for a straight line.
ryan: http://images.allmoviephoto.com/2004_Fade_To_Black/2004_fade_to_black_009.jpg
http://www.oapedia.com/images/Tracy_Morgan.jpg
Steve: holy shit that looks fake
me: you mean like this: http://www.topnews.in/files/barack-obama_9.jpg
ryan: yup.
i dont get it.
me: what about dwayne therock johnson
ryan: do black dudes not suffer from male pattern baldness the way we whites do?
the dont count
he dont count
he samoan
me: naw dawg check this: http://imnotboredanymore.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/carl.jpg
ryan: ahhh. the old winslow trump card
Steve: I think I’d go with a chap hairdo
ryan: he dont count cause he talk white.
Steve: I mean, this look is basically rap chap
me: does that have a dandy curl
ryan: it is RAP CHAP.
me: weird, that guy is named ‘reginald VelJohnson’
ryan: when you become famous you can describe this to fashion magazines when asked about “your style.”
me: chrap
ryan: that looks too much like crap.
the h is silent.
Steve: http://vintagegent.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/brylcreem1974.gif
me: wait so when you use that you turn from john denver to JFK?
ryan: whoa.
explain this image:
http://moviedoc.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/0702_tracy_morgan_holding-hands.jpg?w=350&h=483
me: eric ford is a voyeur?
ryan: i love that he has an house arrest ankle bracelet on.
me: maybe ankle bracelet with pumps is the new steez.
ryan: dude the receptionist has been HOARDING 2 huge bags of halloween candy up here!
me: why is this speak’s homepage. http://index.hu/gal/?dir=0601/velvet/speak/
ryan: PLEASE ATTACH IMAGE OF EAGLE ATTACKING THAT HAIR.
ASAP.
me: http://index.hu/
hungary is a weird place
look at what is in english on this page.
maybe they got hacked but no one knows english so they don’t know?
ryan: ZOFUCKINGMG
me: I almost picked Robert Kelly’s ‘The world’s greatest’ or ‘The Crossroads.’ I think I made the right choice.
ryan: yes.
coulda gone with ‘gangsta lean’ too.
me: god
I want a ghetto funeral
I’m declaring that here
take this down
are you a notary public
I want this shit official
there better be t-shirts
nay. ghetto gowns. Emblazoned with my face
ryan: when i worked at KCRA i nearly took the notary test.
me: and all attendees will be required to have stickers installed on your rearward facing car window
ryan: in loving memry…
me: Alan ‘Lil Tyreek’ LaGuardia
remind me to take more pictures with one finger pointing up for good image fodder
ryan: i just dubbed thee lil’ joker in your thread.
ryan: how come that one guy in BOYZIIMEN sounds like he got food in his mouth?
me: the one with the cane?
the low one?
I always thought it was because he had some kind of tardmouf
ryan: the first one to sing in the song you chose. he had squinty eyes, fat cheeks and looks like the pussy fat guy from juice.
11:54 AM Ryan: hello?
11:55 AM is it you im looking for?
11:57 AM i can see it in your eyes
i can see it in your smile
11:58 AM youre all i ever wanted
and my arms are opened wide
cause you know jsut what to say
and you know just what to do
11:59 AM and i want to tell you so much
i
love
you
Rachel: breaking news: cancer-cat gets stuck in old-growth oak slated for removal
me: breaking news: mermaid in mermaid bar gets new sparkly tail
the mermaid bar is having it’s grand opening tonight.
Rachel: is this a joke?
Rachel: thre’s a MERMAID BAR????
me: you’ve been gone for too long.
Rachel: and it’s not hamburger mary/patty’s?
me: here, get information the way all our readers do, through picures: http://www.sacbee.com/2011/01/07/3307851/sacramento-mermaids-prepare-for.html
Rachel: wait
“new dive bar” ?
me: …
ITS CALLED DIVE BAR
that’s the name
GET IT
:( :( :(
Rachel: ooooh
like a mermaid does
me: the same.
Rachel: wow
wow
um, those chicks were fat
me: DUDE
I was just going to say
Rachel: just because they’re in a fish tank does not make it ok
me: there was this KCRA report
and they were interviewing the blond
and I was like, could they have fucking tried to get a girl without midwest aunt arms
Rachel: pffffft
aw
so true
me: SO dumpy
I tried to find her facebook to further assassinate her character but her name is too common.
Rachel: well, i didn’t make it in hollywood, or as a vegas showgirl, or on broadway
me: I wanted to find out how many out of wedlock kids she had
Rachel: so i became a mermaid at a bar in sacramento
me: i think she dropped out of andon college’s nursing program and remembered she had flippers in her crawlspace
Steve: hate date flake
ha
me: pffffft
GO TO HER HOUSE
Steve: nah, that’s not aloof enough
me: and hold up a boombox playing lil wayne
that’s true.
Steve: she cancelled “due to excessive vomiting”
Ryan: we had a stare down akin to something in a sergio leone movie
i was so nervous she was ganna walk in and wed have to cross paths again i just wrapped it up
me: lol
so I walked in to pee today
and this old man
was at the urinal
BARE ASSIN
pants and panties around his ankles
Ryan: hahahahahaha
hahahahahaha
me: and he was just HUGGING on that urinal
like humping it
Ryan: hahahahahahaha
me: I stopped dead in my fucking tracks
and my mouth fell open
Ryan: i havent seen that since elementary school
me: and then I ran into the stall and shut the door
and waited until he was gone
like a frightened animal
because I never, ever want to see the shame in his eyes
Ryan: understandably so
hahahahahahaha
was it someone you knew?
me: it was horrible
no
or.
I don’t know
but I fucking hope not
Steve: ooooh
no farfisa?
me: them shits are too expensive for what they are.
Steve: thank the murder city devils for that
me: I will never thank the murder city devils for anything.
